Venting

I have been so bad about not posting. I have so many posts written and yet I wonder how honest I really want to be in my blogging. I mean the truth of the matter is we do have a nice life we are healthy and happy. But, being a widowed mother of two at nearly 46 is not easy. It's lonely and frustrating! I fear in posting as I have on fb too many people think pity party and that is not the case at all. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me but the truth of the matter is I need to vent.

I think this post is coming from reaching out to a new widow today. It's so hard to get past those first few months only to have everyone think okay because we have moved on so should you. My heart breaks for these new widows.

Bugga Bugga is One!

Caleb Aaron tuned one on February 21st. And I couldn't have been happier than to celebrate this day with him! We had a double birthday party with Lil D Vaughan. Here are some pictures of our day. We went with The Hungry Little Caterpillar theme.

Update

To catch up from my last post. Life has been so busy that while I have purchased the material needed for my camera case I have not had time to make one. Hoping to get to that soon. Home school, AWANA, and ski club have kept us very busy.

Latest..Cassie and the boys are HOME!! They arrived on the 11th and will be here till mid April. Needless to say I am pretty darn happy about that. Life is a bit chaotic right now just everyone settling in again and battling colds but we are all happy so that is good.

So the news this week is that our sweet, ornery Caleb is turning ONE tomorrow. We will be having a double the fun birthday party with Daniel V on Saturday. The party theme is The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

For now better get some things done around here while the Little's are sleeping.

Say Cheese!

So I have been drooling over all the cute camera bags out there and I am in desperate need of one. My old bag can't hold everything and I seem to taking more and more pictures if that is possible. lol

So chatting with my Mom and I was showing her the cute bags on etsy and mentioned I would make my own bag when she mentioned a purse that we both share. Light went off  and off to Pinterest for some tutorials I was sure to find.  Now I will not only have a new camera bag but a Prada no less! (shh knock off) And not one but two as my Mom's bag is a different color and she is giving it to me! Thank you Mom!

Now to get to Medford for some foam and fabric to design the insert to put in the bag's.

To A New Widow

This is beautifully written and so true even 7 years later. This is my heart. 

Elisabeth Elliott has been widowed twice at different stages of her life.

The Elisabeth Elliott Newsletter

May/June 2003

To A New Widow

Dearest one:

I know the proportion of that pain, and there is no minimizing it here and now.  I also know the truth of 2 Corinthians 4:14, “These little troubles (which are really so transitory) are winning for us a permanent, glorious and solid reward out of all proportion to our pain.”  The bigger our pain now, the bigger that “weight of glory” will be.  It’s mysterious, it’s unimaginable, but it’s going to be, and for that we give thanks.

You are alone now.  You go to bed alone, you are having to learn to say “I” instead of “we”, you find yourself catching your breath as you turn to say something to the man who isn’t there, you put off a decision until he gets home to help you make it, and then you know, with a pang, that you’ll have to make it by yourself.

The children come with needs, needs that Daddy could meet, but Daddy won’t be there—today or tomorrow, or ever again, so there you are.  You open a drawer, and you find a book his hands have handled, you come across his handwriting (so very personal a sign of the man), you see his shoes with the shape of his feet which you know so well, and the sting of the arrow in your heart is not missed by Him who love us as no one else ever has.

He puts those tears into His bottle for He gave you the love that brings those tears and He made you so you could cry, and you cast it all on the Rock that never moves.  You find everything else shaken, tottering, the mountains moved into the midst of the sea, the earth “roaring”, the things that seemed changeless all changed now, except for the Rock.  He seems sometimes a very absent help in time of trouble, but He’s there.  Be still, know that He’s still God, wait for Him.

I know how your memory goes over every inch of his body, for you loved every inch of it, and you remember just how it felt and the smell of him and the sound of his breathing and his voice and the taste of him, and each day you find it a little bit harder to remember just exactly how it was and you know you have forgotten some of it, and this, too is pain.

You don’t want anybody telling you that “time heals all things,” for you don’t in the least want to forget, not for a second.  People will be very kind for quite a long time.  They will remember, and their hearts will go out to you and they will be utterly at a loss to know how to look at you, what to say, how to keep you from talking about your husband.  They don’t know how to cope with the emotion in themselves so they simply cannot imagine how you cope.  They are not practiced in being open and honest with their true emotions, and at a time like this they are at a loss to know how to fake, although they feel that faking is what they ought to do.  So you have to accept that and try to believe that all they want is to be kind, though they blunder at it most touchingly.

But after a while they will not remember much anymore, or they will assume you’ve “gotten over it,” and you will become a worse threat to them because they won’t know how in the world to fit you into their world.  The couples who were your good friends will want to do things for you, but they won’t know how to do things for you, and finally, although they would hardly admit this to themselves, you become a burden, a nuisance, and a dangerous person to have around susceptible husbands.  (I write this not so much from personal experience, since most of my first widowhood was spend in relative isolation from the civilized social scene, but from talking with others, and from observation).

You are a widow, a social misfit, not single, not married.  You’ll find it hard, I think, to relate to single women again, but you can’t expect to be included in couples’ groups again either.  Perhaps it’s cruel of me to tell you so much so soon, but then again perhaps, as it happens to you, it will be of some help to know that this is the way it is!  And of course, to be able to accept things that can’t be changed is a mark of maturity.

There will be those who can “explain” to you God’s purposes in all of this.  They’ll “see” what it’s supposed to mean for you.  Don’t worry about them.  They are blind.  No explanation this side of Heaven can possibly cover the data.  It’s imponderable, inexplicable, and far, far beyond any explanations.  You have to cast all that nonsense on the Rock too.

Your ringing assertion of faith in God’s sovereign design was a great encouragement to me.  He’s there, He’s God, He’s in charge, and we do not flounder around in a sea of pure chance.  Our hope is “for that future day when God will resurrect His children.  For on that day thorns and thistles, sin, death, and decay—the things that overcame the world against its will at God’s command—will all disappear, and the world around us will share in the glorious freedom from sin which God’s children enjoy” (Romans 8:19-20, Living Bible).

Ever so much love,

Elisabeth

CUTIES

Cassie just sent me these as a text and since I am sitting here blogging I though I would share. Because that is what any good Gram-Maw would do! :)

My tough guy

Just as wrestling was starting a couple months back I was shocked that Jeffrey said he wanted to try it. Now mind you I see a tough boy here at home but he has never been one to show that outside the home. Our dear friend Justin was coaching and they were gracious enough to give us a gift certificate. Mind you I was still just hoping he liked it. I have always stood firm that once the kids committed to something they had to stick with it.

Well, I am happy to stay that J-Man as he likes to call himself LOVED wrestling! I went and sat a couple times watching him but he seemed to like it better if we weren't' sitting there. He would always tell Grace and I to go run errands. lol. But the last night I told him i wanted to come and take pictures. I was so involved in watching it was hard for me to get many. Thank you Shauna for taking these for me.

So thankful to Justin for always being there for my kids. Counseling Cassie, giving her away at her wedding, coaching Grace at softball for oh so many seasons now and now coaching Jeffrey and giving him a love for something new. Mind you this is just a speck of what he and his family have done for us. I am so grateful. Love you Vaughan's!

Happy Birthday Baby Brother

This is my baby brother 38 years ago! He was such a chunk that the nurses called him "Moose" the name stuck and he is our Mooser.

Daniel and I are 8 years apart and I honestly thought he was brought home for me. I loved to change him, feed him, and cuddle him. You name it I was his second Momma. My Grandma used to say that he never knew who to go to me or my Mom. lol.

My brother is the most amazing Daddy. He loves his girls so much and they know it. I love how sweet and playful he is with the kids. My brother loved Jeff so much. I know he still hurts as I do. And Jeff loved him so very much. Daniel was only 12 when Jeff came into our lives and at first he was mad that another man was around but they soon hit it off and were the best of friends.

This picture was taken just 5 months before Jeff went home.

Happy Birthday Daniel Adam! I love you so very much!

Philippians 1:3; I thank my God every time I remember you.

Romans 10:9-14

⁹ If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. ¹¹ As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”^{[e] 12} For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, ¹³ for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”^{[f]  14} How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?